Political Animals

Added: (Wed May 04 2005)

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For Immediate Release
If Blair’s a Border Collie, Howard’s a Jack Russell and Kennedy’s a Red Setter
What Does That Make Prescott?
…Why a Boxer of Course!

It may have escaped some political commentator’s attention but General Election week has collided head-on with National Pet Week.

In keeping with the spirit of the occasion, one British dog magazine has put together their very own unique canine-themed candidatory profile of each party’s top political dog to help pet lovers decide who they’d be most happy to see sleeping on the sofa at No.10 for the next 5 years.

Without spin, K9 Magazine presents a truly unique poochified view of Britain’s most political animals.

Starting with the current pack leader, can Mr Blair claim to have been pick of the litter for the past eight years?

Tony Blair

If recent media outings are to be believed, Mr Blair would like us to see him as a sincere, dedicated and above all, honest character. Sometimes accused of leading like a president rather than a Prime Minister, Blair tends to focus on the big issues, makes up his mind on important issues and insists everyone else follows his lead. Being the leader of the Labour pack has been so enjoyable for Blair, it’s widely claimed he side stepped a gentleman’s agreement with his chancellor to relinquish leadership in favour of his equally ambitious running buddy. Staying neutral in the fox hunting debate was one area where Blair didn’t take the lead and the war in Iraq has seen his popularity and trustworthiness put to the test.

Mr. Blair insisted he’d be tough on crime and tough on the causes of crime when canvassing for Government in 1997. Although he’d like us to think he was an enforcer in the mould of the German Shepherd or its even feistier cousin the Belgian Malinois, the British public would argue the case that the streets are as dangerous today as they were when John Major was clearing his desk at No.10.

Often referred to as Bush’s Poodle, the PM should embrace the comparison. Any Poodle owner will tell you that despite the image, these curly coated canines are brave, independent, confident and intelligent and certainly don’t take kindly to having someone else’s will or opinions forced on them.

So, if not Bush’s Poodle and if not worthy of the crime busting persona of the German Shepherd, the PM must draw on his successes in the public services sector. Always keen to emphasise how much his party has invested in healthcare and education, Blair has leant on the ‘family friendly’ policies mantra ever since coming to power. A penchant for family life with an equally strong will to lead coupled with a high work drive; K9 Magazine’s experts feel the Prime Minister is very similar to the Border Collie. Although the 100% trust which might be bestowed on a cheery Labrador may have gradually evaporated, Blair can still point to a strong economy and a favourable position in the hearts of many, if not all of the British electorate.

Michael Howard

In the run up to the election, Mr Howard will be eyeing up Number Ten, but does his bite match the bark? Although descended from immigrant Grand Parents, Mr Howard has been keen to stress the important of keeping Britain for the British. He’s made a play to tap into people’s fears that Britain will eventually become overrun by Johnny Foreigner who’ll ultimately dilute the nation’s identity and leave the British Isles in a sorry state.

Maybe upholding his ‘simple, decent values’ line and waging an all out war on the character of the Labour leader has been enough to mark him out as the alpha male amongst his own litter, but if public opinion is anything to go by, it looks as if the British voters see him as nothing more than an ankle-biting Jack Russell Terrier, unlikely to inflict anything more than cuts and bruises on Blair and pals. If he bites hard enough he might just give the Labour leadership cause to go and get a tetanus shot but it looks likely they’ll be able to shake him off. He’s been focussed and single minded in his attacks but have they been misplaced? He’s barked loud and often but it seems people are more respectful of a sleeping Rottweiler than a noisy Terrier. Unfortunately for Michael and his Tory colleagues, a sleeping Rottweiler he is not and the all out attack on the current Government have not done enough to convince people his party is ready to be let inside just yet.

Charles Kennedy

On first impression, one might suggest that Mr Kennedy shares a lot with the laid back Irish (or Red) Setter. With an affable persona, an unconvincing yet endearing ‘serious face’, Charlie is indeed very similar to this breed of boundless energy. Unfortunately for Mr Kennedy the Irish Setter is the breed that K9 Magazine hears the following said about them more than any other; “Oh yes, we absolutely adore Red Setters, wonderful dogs. Of course, we could never actually own one”.

A breed of fantastic personality, a loveable, outgoing nature but undoubtedly a party animal which requires lots of patience and stays puppy-like for most of its life. It would appear that only the true breed connoisseurs tend to share their homes with the Irish Setter as Britain’s en masse tend to pick dogs with reliable, sturdy emotional make-ups such as the Labrador, German Shepherd or even Mr Kennedy’s Scottish compatriot the West Highland Terrier (Westie).

However, he’s young and has just become a Father. By the time the next election comes around maybe Briton’s will see further than a loveable breed that ‘one couldn’t possible own oneself’ instead viewing Charlie K as a Lefty-Westie rather than a rambunctious Red Setter.

The Rest of The Pack

John Prescott.

Whilst it would be wrong to claim Prescott is one dimensional, in comparison to his boss it’s easier to draw a more acute comparison between the former Naval man known as ‘Two-Jags’ and one particular breed of dog.

After being pelted with an egg by a protestor in North Wales during the previous election campaign, the Deputy-top-Dawg retaliated with a swift left jab resulting in the two men scuffling until separated. Ignoring all the normal politician’s code of keeping cool under pressure, maintaining a controlled image and sticking rigidly to part line, especially in an election campaign, Prezza struck a firm blow (literally) for those who claim politicians have become boring and predictable.

John Prescott, well he’s a Boxer isn’t he. Has to be. Not just because the name fits, the personality of the Boxer is such that image matters little. What other breed of dog is happy to stick its jowl burdened head out of a car window, be that a Jaguar or not, and delight in the spraying of drool all over himself and any passengers purely in pursuit of doing what it wants regardless of how it might look to passers by?

The Boxer, usually a lover not a fighter but certainly the owner of a big personality and, as any owner will tell you, is a dog with a big appetite for life and a blatant disregard for protocol or etiquette.

Having been shut outside, licking their wounds for the majority of the last ten years, who’s that scratching at the door of No.10? Why it’s Michael Howard and his band of Conservative Party troopers. Not used to being the underdogs, the Tories’ tails will be wagging in excitement at being let in by the back doors, but are they all housetrained?

Ann Widdecombe.

Ann has sat quietly in the back of late. Her remark that the current leader of the Conservative pack had; ‘something of the night about him’ will go down in British political folklore and Miss Widdecombe has never been one to pull a punch.

A unique woman, and surely a breed of contrasts. She portrays a stern exterior not dissimilar to the much loved English Bulldog, but is there a soft underbelly to the broad shoulders and ‘challenge me if you dare’ glint?

Widdecombe is known for being a huge cat fancier and maybe more of the feline’s personality traits have rubbed off on her. Often viewed as the ‘weaker’ of the two animal combatants the reality is very different as the cat will nearly always outwit or out manoeuvre the canine. When cornered, not even a Jack Russel will tangle with a fired up feline, usually choosing instead to leave them playing quietly on their own in favour of barking at the Border Collie in next door’s garden.

Jostling with the Conservatives for a position next to the PM’s feet under the table in the state dining room are the Liberal Democrats. Are they the real alternative or a band of strays and waifs eyeing an opportunity at the butcher’s back door?

John Thurso

A relatively unknown breed, John Thurso exudes heritage. Despite having been an hereditary member of the House of Lords, John Thurso is said to fit in extremely well among his traditionally left wing party. He started his professional life working as manager of ‘The Lancaster’ in Paris, and climbed his way up the political ladder to his current trusty post. His moustache and slick jet black hair evoke images of the cigar chewing wide boy Boycey from ‘only fools and horses’. To put him into a canine context we’d need to invent a whole new breed, the closest we can currently get is Miniature Schnauzer on account of the impressive whiskers.


~Ends~

Further information on this release, photo opportunities or comment please contact: Sean O’Meara - 08700 114 115 - sean@k9media.net


-- Note to Editors --

K9 Magazine is published quarterly and contains a mix of practical pet advice along with celebrity pet owner interviews, profiles and lifestyle issues associated with pet ownership.

K9 Media Solutions Ltd is a UK-based media and publishing company who own and operate a network of 30 pet titles including K9 Magazine and have a worldwide audience of 6.3m pet owners.

If you would like to expand on this release for a feature, we can arrange for Sean O’Meara, editor of K9 Magazine to provide exclusive comment or participate in an interview discussing any pet related lifestyle, health or behaviour topic.