Urlich Kettler Gone Missing, Where Abouts Unknown

Added: (Sat Jul 09 2005)

Pressbox (Press Release) - "Hanky Panky is Not Yet being Ruled Out Says Recently Formed Committee to Find Urlich Kettler"

Jakarta, Indonesia, July 9th 2005 - Urlich Kettler, recent winner of the annual "Romantishe Schnurrbart Kontest (Romantic Mustache Contest)" in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, has apparently gone missing according to Mr. Guppy Liem, communique director of the Committee to Find Urlich Kettler. Kettler was last seen at a new nightclub, Lush, in Ho Chi Minh City's District 1, on the evening of July 4th. "Word has it that he was quite drunken on that night," confirms Mr. Liem, "and in his drunken state he mentioned to two yet to be named German expatriates that he might be off to Indonesia soon. But he has left no forwarding details. We have to get to the root of the matter and fast." It is not known why the Committee to Find Urlich Kettler won't reveal their sources of this information.

Foul play?

The Committee to Find Urlich Kettler is currently considering hiring professionals to locate Mr. Kettler due to some inconsistencies surrounding the contest itself. A pro bono investigation has already begun, but funding will be required for the investigation to advance. "After our preliminary investigation, we found that the disadvantaged women's charity set up by the Sahara Club in the Pham Ngu Lao district of Ho Chi Minh City may have been a farce," says Patrick Aston of Security Advisory Services (SAS Vietnam), "this is because I have conducted field surveys which have indicated that these women claimed to never have received this money and that they are still in need. I don't want to point the finger at the organizer yet. More investigation is required."

Jan Frank, the "Romantishe Schnurrbart Kontest (Romantic Mustache Contest)" organizer claims that receipts for the money is impossible to retain because these women had been refusing to sign the receipts for tax purposes and that the management of the Sahara Club who support this charity have traditionally allowed the financial distribution to the disadvantaged woment to be carried out this way, one a "one-to-one" basis by private individual donors. Frank also stated that is was fishy that not only had Kettler disappeared, but the party who was given the task of distributing the money, Geert Van Doorslaer, had a history of with holding disadvantage womens funds or only distributing the funds after the women have agreed to meeting him privately, outside of the Sahara Club. Frank says that he's heard that Van Doorslaer usually conducts these meetings late at night at his home and wonders why a guy with Van Doorslaer's track record should be dealing with these women.

All of controversy has cast a shadow as to whether the contest will even be held again. "I'm out of this contest next year," says Frank, "because there are always rumors that fly around about how charitable money is spent. Besides, at the end of the day, isn't it truly ironic that the field investigator was one of the judges? How can he come back with true results, let alone find Urlich Kettler?" Frank says that first the focus should be shifted from himself to the German Business Men’s Social Group as they were the owners of the contest, and that Patrick Aston be taken off the case. "I can smell guilt in a man," Aston replied upon hearing Frank's assertions.

The mystery of Kettler's diappearance has left a cloud over the community as there was also unconfirmed rumors that Kettler was clean of the contest's fiasco and that he was simply on assignment in Indonesia for his company. Lars Husum, the second place finisher in the contest is of two minds on the issue. "I'd like to see him back, of course," says Lars, "but at the same time I am looking into the possibility that the title can be officially transferred to me if Urlich Ketter is truly gone." Husum says in the mean time he has been in contact with the German Business Men’s Social Group, owner of the contest, about exactly what a ruling on this would be.

Thilo Krueger, the Executive Director of the German Business Men’s Social Group, has refused to comment on the matter until either Urlich Ketter is found, or the proposed investigation is comes to a conclusion and a final report is issued on the matter. "If you want news on Urlich Kettler," advises Krueger, "then I suggest you leave the German Business Men's Social Group out of this and turn to Committee to Find Urlich Kettler, because that is the only group who concerns themselves with him."