Why Fathers 4 Justice Aren't Always Superheroes

Added : ( Sun Jul 18 2004 )

Press Release: For Immediate Release
Why Fathers 4 Justice Are Not Always Superheroes

Fathers 4 Justice have been in the news a lot recently. They are slick and extremely plausible. Their campaign for equality in family law is persuasive. Of course fathers are entitled to justice. Of course they should have access to their children. Of course it’s heinous that 40% of fathers lose contact with their children within two years of divorce. Of course children need fathers – and fathers need children.
It’s wonderful, emotive stuff. And it’s manipulative. Nowhere is it stated what percentage of the 40% of fathers who lose access to their children, simply walk away. The implication is that, in every case, wicked, vindictive mothers are to blame.
The website of Fathers 4 Justice proclaims ‘Truth’, ‘Justice’,’ Equality’ in large letters over its Home Page. Now these are words that I, like most of the population, thrill to. Fathers 4 Justice have seized the moral high ground with their two-pronged attack of emotional appeals and civil disobedience.
But underlying the loudly proclaimed, sacred principles are worrying undercurrents and assumptions. If fathers are cast as victims, then mothers are the perpetrators of familial abuse.
Even more powerful – and questionable – is the assumption that what is best for fathers is deemed to be best for children; justice for fathers is synonymous with justice for children.
In a recent interview on ‘Panorama’, Richard Watson raised the issue of domestic violence perpetrated by men. ’ O’Connor replied: ‘I’m not here to talk about domestic violence. I’m here to talk about family law… If you want to talk about domestic violence then do a programme about that.’
Yet many ‘acrimonious divorces’ are a consequence of domestic violence and emotional abuse. Many mothers withhold access to their children, in their children’s best interests – although some may do so our of spite.. And many who respect contact orders, wish they could withhold access.
Consider M, a charming, articulate professional who started sleeping on his 13 year old daughter’s bed when she stayed with him and insisted on taking her away for 3 weeks to share a bedroom, despite her reluctance. M alternated between towering rages and excessive demonstrations of affection that left her feeling unsafe.
M is used to dealing with courts and social workers and could present himself more credibly than either his wife or child. There is no ‘proven evidence’ of domestic violence, but plenty to suggest that he is currently ‘grooming’ his adolescent daughter for abuse. Above all, there is a distressed and frightened child.
Then there is J., also plausible and charming, who sees his two tiny sons weekly, hits them, leaves them in filthy nappies for hours, slices food up for them and puts the knife, together with the food, into their mouth. He teaches his older one that it is ‘manly’ to hit his younger brother.
Or T., who has repeatedly beaten his ex-partner savagely, in front of his young daughters – and has begun hitting them too.
Is the physical and emotional safety of these children, and countless others like them, best served by having access to their fathers? And how much worse could more access make things for them?
As a woman who has been through an acrimonious divorce, my prime concern is protecting my child’s safety, peace of mind and well being. I do not throw flour filled condoms or dress up in silly clothes to garner victim status and the sympathy vote. Like most women, I set my children’s needs above my own resentments and agenda. Like most women, my mission statement is ‘Children First’.
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PRESS RELEASE ENDS
For further information contact Annie Kaszina at 01708 443435 mobile 07712 924124

Annie Kaszina is a writer and Personal Coach who is committed to raising awareness of the reality of domestic violence. She works with survivors of abusive relationships to help them go beyond recovery to self-discovery and has written an eBook for survivors of domestic violence to help them rebuild their life. You can order her book and subscribe to her enewsletter by visiting www.joyfulcoaching.com

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